To put a diaper on ... or not! That is the question!

Today marks post-op day 8 since my ankle surgery last week.  I've been staying with a family member whose plans to move out of state had to be put on hold due to the Coronavirus scare.  It hasn't been easy for them or for myself, for that matter.

First, let me say that although this person and myself had our disagreements during my time as their caregiver before moving into my own place only in the past few recent years, I've come to rely on that person's parental experience.  They've known my medical & health history including the dozens of surgeries on my left blind eye from birth, so they know what to say and to ask when at the doctor's office appointment.  Sometimes, though, I feel like they're trying to over-parent me, and the situation, too much.  While I'm an adult 40 year old man!  Disabled yes, but a grown man nonetheless!

Though I love this person greatly, as anyone would expect, I desire to be back in my own apartment once my doctor takes out the post-op stitches, and places my foot in a walking boot.  Until then, my doctor and my physical therapist want to keep me at my family member's home until then pending an assessment in which determines how much of a risk my own home will be.

I admit, however, I almost slapped my family member silly for using the term "hoarding situation" when it came to describing my living situation.  Yes, my apartment is a little messy.  Often cluttered, even.  But I've never been a "hoarder", since I've seen hoarders on TV specials, and what I have is no where near what my family member wants to believe ME to be!  I asked my family member, "Are you trying to get me kicked out of my apartment on purpose while knowing you're exaggerating my living situation?"

They laughed it off saying they used the wrong term, but I've known this person all of my life, and they do tend to distort the truth as well as exaggerate & embellish the truth to fit their agenda.  

In 2017, while trying to get a grip on being sick almost daily, I was having frequent accidents that required me to start wearing my diapers a bit more often. The following year, I was introduced to some medication for prevention of my migraine headaches, but the cost was having severe constipation.  As a result, I had to down a shot of Milk of Magnesia every night, wearing my diapers nightly, to not only counteract the constipation side effect, but also to avoid having a very messy accident in my bed which has already happened once.

But despite those problems in 2017 and 2018, while I love my family member wholeheartedly, I find that I still have strong desires to continue wearing my adult diapers while I stay with my family member.  I made it a rule that I wouldn't wear my diapers if I'm around family, especially my younger cousins.  But because of my ankle injury and subsequent surgical procedure to repair the ankle, I've found that making it to the bathroom on time is quite difficult.  I'm wearing my Depend pullups, but they don't always stop the threat of a messy accident, and that kind of accident is embarrassing, to say the least.  I'd rather be wearing my Depend Maximum Protection briefs with tabs aka adult diapers than wear the pullups.  Wearing diapers just feels more secure, more comfortable, & saves my ass better than pullups.

But that's not only why I made this post.  Recently, even before my ankle injury & surgery, I have begun to explore the possibility of a romantic & maybe even intimate relationship with a lady.  A woman who might understand why I wear diapers both for fun & for need.  Maybe even become so involved with that Ms. Right woman that they become a de facto caregiver for me, and I for them.  I want to believe that it's possible.  That I can find someone that takes my breath away, and maybe even while she wears a diaper during our first date.  Wouldn't that be just excellent luck?  I would think that I could only be so lucky to have that happen.

Only until recent weeks have I given myself permission to fantasize about what my life would be like having a caregiver girlfriend/wife alongside me.  A woman who also wears adult diapers for both fun, and maybe having minor necessity.  Some woman who can appreciate what wearing adult diapers can do for someone's peace of mind especially when avoiding potty accidents.  I would agree that such fantasies would possibly make the real deal not as delightful, and I accept that fantasy isn't reality, and vice-versa.  I just want a relationship built on some core principles & values:

• Honesty

• Integrity

• Fairness

• Equality

• Partnership

• Love (especially this)

• Earning Respect ☆

• Earning Trust ☆

• Helpfulness especially

Every one of those are achievable.  Each one will be challenging to find in a potential partner.  I want to believe that such a woman "Ms. Right" exists out there in this world.  Perhaps she is my female version of Philip J. Fry, and I'm her male version of Leela (both from the canceled TV series "Futurama")!

I've often tried to imagine how my life would be different if I were romantically and intimately involved with a woman that also wore diapers, but the moment I try, my mind wants to shut down its own movie production of "My Life In Diapers with Women Wearing Diapers Too".  Corny title, yes.  But imagining being in a loving, healthy relationship with a woman is extraordinarily hard considering I've never been in a relationship to start.  I've also never been out on a 1st date, not even had my first kiss, or even held hands with a girl/woman that I fell in love with.

Sometimes, I feel like if I could trade in every last bit of knowledge concerning electronics, technology, computers, my love of Star Trek & Star Wars, etc, to know what it's like to be in real love.  The kind of love that makes you want to cross through the underbelly depths of Hell itself, calling Satan a fucking pussy, just to see your love partner smile.  That kind of love.  

Though my heart has ached for a real, passionate "falling in love" with a Ms. Right woman for over 20+ years, my mind says it's just not feasible.  That no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I wish, it just won't ever come true.  I'd give the left testicle of EVERY OTHER MALE MEMBER OF MY FAMILY/CLAN in exchange to have for real a woman that not only understands me, but also would be wearing adult diapers right alongside me, especially when I have potty accidents that require my diaper to be changed.

That's another thing that I want to address.  One of the things I swore I'd never do since my AOL days was to go into a chatroom and type in "Where are all the chicks?", i.e. doing the Alpha Male bit.  Or saying to a woman on any social media platform, "Would you change me?" Or some other shit that is similar.

I'm highly annoyed by the common misconception by women everywhere who believe "all men are the same".  Unless you've met every 👏🏻 single 👏🏻 man 👏🏻 living on Earth, you can't say "all men" are anything.  You can, however, say things like "every man I've known" or "every man I've met in person", but NEVER say "all men [anything]", because you don't know ALL MEN.  Just like I don't know "all women".

I used to be friends with someone who very much believed he was an "Alpha Male" type guy, but when it became apparent how misogynistic & sexist he was, I slowly over time stopped talking to that friend as frequently as I once did during our days in high school together in Las Vegas, NV.

In fact, I don't enjoy having male friends like that anymore.  I prefer to have platonic women friends.  Women who won't say to me after a surgery to "toughen up, cupcake!" or my favorite [about how to get women to like me], "Just punch her in the face!"  Talk about some of the worst fucking advice ever!  I don't know how any woman would desire such an intolerant, bigoted man, but he has been married (and divorced) before he hit 30, while I have remained unmarried, single, & never been in a romantic, intimate or even sexual relationship with any woman.  Mostly involuntary, but also out of choice due to my desire to not carry on my father's bloodline.

But I would give anything to know how it feels to have a woman in my life who not only wears diapers for both fun & necessity, but also is in love with me dearly, and I'm in awesome love with her as well, and we both care about as well as care for each other.  And that there is an understanding between us that we give each other space when appropriate.

Hell, sleeping in the same bed would take some getting used to, but if it means having someone there to greet me in the morning with diaper changing for each other, I'd be willing to cross any bridge, fight any foe with my katana blade in hand, and climb any hill to have that kind of life.

Is it even possible at 40-ish years old?  Has my window of opportunity opened & closed long ago?  Do I even have a chance in actual fucking Hell to have any bit of that sort of life?

I have to believe that it's still possible for me to meet my diaper lover Ms. Right!  I have to believe she's out there waiting for her own diaper lover "Mr. Right" in which that person for her is myself.  I hope I meet her soon!  I hope I not only meet her soon, but that we begin our diaper lover relationship together almost immediately, and we are going to have a true blue "happily diapered ever after"!

I want to be able to say that aloud, "Happily Diapered Together Ever After"! 😊❤🤗👍🏻😎👍🏻🖖🏻LLAP