Saturday, November 23, 2019
What dreams may come
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Diapers are awesome!
I'm very thankful that I'm a diaper lover. In a way, I'm thankful for being a former bedwetter, otherwise wearing adult diapers as an adult man would feel awful, even embarrassing, humiliating, & I'd also feel ashamed for not being able to control my bowels/bladder very well!
Imagine being told at age 10, & your parents telling you that you're the ONE & ONLY 10yr old bedwetter in the entire world. That was the kind of psychological abuse that went on in my family. That emotional abuse that was meant to be humiliating! Such things were just awful!
Thankfully, because of those awful experiences, the awful pain of being a child at the cusp of being a teenager who was also a bedwetter, I have welcomed being a diaper lover, a sexual virgin, & an unmarried man not creeped out by women who enjoy wearing diapers as well!
To be honest, at age 12 I would've given just about anything to know that there were indeed female bedwetters who had also been forced to wear diapers like I had been a few times during my childhood. I wouldn't find out that fact until I was in my mid-teens & had been "cured"! When I got older, and into my teens, I was eager to find via AOL (or any other internet connection) some female (teen girls at the time, later adult women) former bedwetter ladies, maybe even find a few diaper lovers who were similarly brought up to believe that they were the ONLY child in the world who had bedwetting issues. Of course, I don't have many (non-sexual & otherwise) lady friends, and the ones that I do have (all non-sexual platonic ones) are probably not really into kinks, so I don't blurt out loud my personal kinks, i.e. being a diaper lover, wearing adult diapers for fun, etc.
But, ironically, as a result of being a bedwetter, I ended up experimenting at 17 yrs old with wearing adult diapers. Turned out that it was an awesome experience to not be at the mercy of a nearby restroom/bathroom/toilet. That if I had an "uh-oh", it's no big deal!
A favorite tale of mine about being a diaper lover was when I had just started wearing adult diapers which in the true event tale was one of those "Uh-oh" moments. I had just gotten a sample pack from HDIS, but I was concerned about the parental unit that I was living with at the time, during my senior year of high school in 1998 in Las Vegas, NV. Pretty sure it was between my various surgeries, but before my graduation ceremony.
It was on a typical Friday evening, and as usual no date, no girlfriend, not one thing I was interested in doing, but again, I just had surgery. Between all of the pain medications, I was almost always not feeling well. So, I had put one of the sample adult diapers that night, but I was unfamiliar with how to put them on, so I admittedly had to look up instructions on how to do for myself. I had ZERO training in diaper duties, because I had zero experience dealing with babysitting duties.
After I was successful putting on my first adult diaper, I took one of my pain medications, and off to sleep I went. The next morning, I had awakened to a sour tummy ache. I thought I just had to fart, but it turned out to be one of those "Uh-oh" moments. At first, I was terrified, having just shit myself while in bed. Then I had realized that I had an adult diaper on, which protected my bed.
Moments later, the 1/2 of the parental couple that had recently been divorced came bursting through my bedroom door having barely knocked at all. I could've been fucking masturbating, but it would've made no difference to this parent. She came in worried about me going to school that day. "C'mon, you'll be late for school!", she exclaimed like I had completely forgotten about school.
I had to first calm down after being unduly alarmed, and then I told her in the nicest way possible, "Mom, it's a Saturday. Since when does anybody go to school on a Saturday?" She actually had to pause for that one, and actually think about it. Then she said, "Oh, yeah I forgot that it was Saturday."
She immediately closed the door, and I went back to sleep, but I couldn't knowing that my adult diaper had a small mess in the rear. And by small, I mean it was barely a pooling of the brown kind at all. But I had to wait until the parental unit left to go out with friends that morning.
Bottom line was I was happy to be in adult diapers. Previously, I had issues with bedwetting prior to age 13, having accidents while going to grade school/elementary school up until I was in 4th grade, & got better at asking to go use the bathroom/restroom at school so I wouldn't have an "Uh-oh" moment!
Long story short, those unpleasant experiences, even the ones when I had been forced into diapers (baby diapers) when I was 7 or 8 years old paved the way to me being a tried & true diaper lover. And although I'm still hesitant to reveal that to my friends, and 98% of my family, who are almost all religious & felt I was the demon child spawn of Satan/The Devil or even Lucifer, and didn't hold me in high regard to begin with. I mean, at this point, it wouldn't matter if I told them, but being an aspiring musician makes me reconsider whom I tell this secret to.
I'd much prefer it be to a female intimate relationship partner. Someone who understands that this is fun for me, except when the adult diapers become sort of required wearing for reasons of using medication that makes me constipated, which forces me to use OTC medications to counteract it. The result is having an Irritable Bowel Syndrome or Irritable Bowel Disease.
Still, though, if I didn't enjoy wearing the adult diapers beforehand, I'd feel fucking depressed & ashamed to have to wear them. So, I'm grateful that I can not only tolerate wearing them, but take pleasure in using them when I need to, and have more pleasure wearing them when I don't need to.
I guess some things are true about the idea that our past, no matter how great or how awful, shape our adult life in the future. I wonder what I'd be like if I hadn't been a bedwetter, or if I hadn't met certain individuals. If we do nothing else as adults, we should be setting the example that adult diapers are nothing to be ashamed about. "Accidents happen" should be our top phrase, because they do, & the only thing we can do is accept that bathroom accidents will inevitably happen, and when they do, we can either be prepared (w/ adult diapers), or having to chuck our big boy (or big girl) panties down the trash in public (I admit I've done this when I was little) & replace them with new batches of underwear!
Friday, June 7, 2019
Some things should not be "remade". Ever!
Although I was born in the very late 1970's, much of my childhood was in the 1980's & the 1990's as well. During that time, because I was born with certain congenital problems, I had problems with school bullying/harassment on top of having to go to doctor's offices, having them perform tests & procedures, often going to the OR (Operating Room) & the ER (Emergency Room). On top of all this was being in a home environment full of abuse & assault not just on mine & my older brother's mother, but ourselves as well being at the mercy of an alcoholic, drug addict father. When he was sober, we nicknamed him the "Disneyland Dad" Dr. Jeykll version. When he was NOT sober, he became the nightmare version of "Mr. Hyde."
It became so bad that I had experienced many panic attacks as a child. Now, some among my family relatives might argue that, as a a disabled child, I did things that could've been "deserving" of such treatment. Most of this went beyond a simple "spanking", so no. Nothing is ever deserving of treatment that borders or is outright abusive & would be considered assault in this day & age. I often went to school wondering if I had scabs in my head from being struck so many times, but because at that time I had really thick hair, no one ever noticed me checking to see if there had been blood or bloody scabs.
Anyway, there were lucid moments in our family dynamic when we did get together and, in rare form, would actually coexist with each other having fun while as a real family. Our only real "Family Time" was on Sunday evenings, particularly in the late 1980's.
Last night (June 6th, 2019) I decided to get diapered up into my adult diapers for the evening despite my having a rather hectic day (again) today. I began to watch the old TV series "Married With Children", and I came to realize just how awfully sexist it is, even misogynistic, and yet many of the showrunners" were female! Who knew? Maybe that was their idea all along to show men that watched the show that women are fed up with their sexist shit, or that women too had equally troublesome & undesirable traits. Or both. What I think happened was the opposite, but that is neither the point or the message I want to convey here.
When someone says how they liked the days when children respected their parents, either through intimidation, or through fear of "God", ask them how that went in their home. When they say "All I needed was my butt whooped, and I acted straight (good)!", ask them if that was REALLY how it was. Because as much as I am well behaved now, I don't credit it to the alcoholism, the substance abuse, on the part of my late father who seemed to believe in much the same philosophy. I don't believe in the idea of "parenting with an `Iron Rule' kind of approach", but I also don't believe in the idea to do "parenting w/ a "hands off" approach" either. There has to be a right balance, coupled with patience, understanding, and realizing that just because your parents whooped your ass, sometimes harshly, doesn't mean it's appropriate in this day & age. If ever while you've "spanked" your child, that your hand goes from open hand to a closed fist, or that you go into a rage-filled anger toward something minor your kid did, you've just crossed the line from being disciplinarian to "abusive parent".
If you're not leading by example, and explaining why along the way, you're not teaching your kids shit! If you can realize that one truth, maybe there's hope for us all! Or so I hope!
With love,
Lt. Col. F1r3ch1ck3n 2019
Monday, May 27, 2019
The Disney film "Aladdin" live action vs. animated versions!
This morning's blog post is about the following tweet from Twitter:
Aladdin tweet (Remake live action film based on the original animated 1992 film of the same title!)
I'm a little biased towards the original 1992 animated film. At the time, I had a crush on a young woman whom the character "Jasmine" reminded me of her. A lot. If things went differently in my life, I'm fairly certain she would've been "the one"!
By that, I mean "the one" who I'd have eventually opened up to about my struggles w/ bedwetting (until I was 13yrs old), my fantasies of wearing diapers & of women wearing diapers, etc. Of course, it didn't happen like that, so I ended up being literally a 40yr old virgin! Essentially, I have no doubt she would've been the one friend I would have admitted to in confidence about my ABDL (lean heavily towards being a "Diaper Lover") tendencies, resulting mainly from my years as a bedwetter.
The memories that stick out most in my mind when I think of her from this movie's original 1992 animated version is how she was always warm, compassionate, wanting to help others any way she could, showing empathy & sympathy for other students & other people. I remember one instance when, after I had the privilege & the honor to sit alongside this young lady who was my crush during that last year in grade school during lunch, we had our normal lunch recess time (play time). After 30mins, the bell rang to go back to class, and I happen to witness a little girl, possibly a Kindergartner or 1st grade student in the same school, who fell after tripping on a tree root in the patch of grass next to the lunch tables.
She was crying hysterically, but not ONE person offered to help her up, or to get the school nurse, nothing. Not even the playground monitors & faculty staff. Until this young lady who was my main crush had seen that little girl crying, and walked up to her, knelt beside her, and tried to console her until a faculty member DID finally take notice. It was that one instance of her showing empathy & graceful compassion with a soothing voice to help that little girl feel better, and that told me all I needed to know about that young lady, my crush.
I wish sometimes I could reach out to that young lady, now of course probably married, has kids, etc, and let her know that is why I believe her to be the most kind & understanding young woman I know, even if our time at that school together was brief. I want her to know that I respect her greatly for that one instance where I saw her helping others as much as she had helped me to cope with the bullying, my problems with an abusive home environment, and also having tons of medical problems from birth defects. When I saw her doing the same thing for that little girl that she had done for me, I was extraordinary impressed.
I was in awe of her showing kindness, understanding, compassion, empathy/sympathy, graceful friendliness, a good sense of humor, & genuinely wanted to help people. If I ever have to do a tribute speech about anyone I feel is worthy of tribute, it would be her. The young woman who, with her help, has shown me a glimmer of hope, a glimpse of what it's like to have someone care enough to want to help another person out of a kind of obligation to her fellow human being. An obligation to be kind, to be empathetic, & showing that compassion isn't a lost art among the human race.
I wish only that, if she has kids (and I'm sure she probably does), she has taught them to have the same level of benevolence & humanity that she has shown me! Taught them right from wrong, and that being an unnecessary asshat / assclown is NOT the goal. That being hurtful is unacceptable behavior!! Treating others badly, or being unsympathetic, un-empathetic, or otherwise being highly & inappropriately abusive to someone is also highly inappropriate behavior for anyone, anywhere.
But most of all, I wish for her to know that I remember that incident, and it forever changed my views of the human race. That there are people in this world who believe in treating people w/ kindness, love, compassion, empathy/sympathy, & being helpful not hurtful! Being of assistance, not being abusive! It's because of her one act of compassion that I witnessed (she could've done much more, but that one with the little girl was what sticks in my mind) that helped reignite my interest in Star Trek, Star Wars, & the ideal that we should all be helping each other, rather than hurt ourselves & each other. That acts of kindness, good deeds, good treatment of others are far more important than being affluent, being famous or a celebrity, or having any sort of high profile job or important title in any profession. She's also the reason I want to be a musician! To show people, to express my emotions & feelings about showing that same kindness to everyone is how we will survive this era in our world's history.
Emotional, physical, social, sexual, mental abuse is ALL bad! Being the opposite of abusive should be the high goals of any one person.
I know I'm repeating myself, but the film Aladdin reminds me of that young woman, & brings back those memories of that time in my life when I was becoming a teen, later a young adult, & not having the kind of normal life milestones that most people have due to multiple factors & reasons.
I want only to show people how much this young woman has impacted my life in a positive way. To put on display how I felt during a tumultuous time in my life. That is why music is so important to me!
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Wednesday Random Thoughts from the Colonel
I'm not afraid to admit anymore that, when I do find my future Diaper Lover (DL) Ms. Right, I would like for her to make sure I'm on the right path, even if that means my butt is sore from a good spanking occasionally. Especially if say my apartment is a mess and I've not cleaned it like I should.
Which is messy at present, and every time I get the urge to clean, I'm overwhelmingly tired, and I don't WANT to do it. With the right lady in my life, whether I WANT to clean up would be irrelevant if I'd like to keep my behind from getting a belt whoopin' with my own belt! I mean, that shit sounds painful, even just to think about it, but the humiliating part would be when my future Diaper Lover Ms. Right would be using my own leather belt across my ass as a punishment. The way I figure it is like this: Yes, spankings can be fun, but NOT when used for a punishment.
So, the terms would be like so:
1. If I or my future Diaper Lover Ms. Right don't do like either of us are supposed to, i.e. cleaning up, doing college assignments, that sort of thing, then the spankings are punishment.
But.....
2. If we just want or need "play time", then spankings are for fun! 😎👍😊💔
The key though is to be sure neither of us cross where the punishment spankings become abusive, and the last thing I want for myself or my future Diaper Lover Ms. Right is to become anything like my parents, especially my late alcoholic drug-abuser father. I want to make that one thing clear.
But, I admit that having "motivation" from a diaper lover Ms. Right would be extremely helpful, but she has to be able to give as well as receive a spanking. I'm sure I'll find her soon, and I hope she will be my Turanga Leela from Futurama. I really love that series, especially the series finale season episode "Game of Tones" where the principal cast including Leela were wearing "dream pants" aka adult diapers.
Friday, February 22, 2019
Things I think about Daily Volume 1
• Protect my family members.
• More importantly keeps me from being exploited by folks who might want to do... well, "not-nice" things. Things that could include violent actions from a misguided idea that I'm a gay man, despite my saying otherwise.
• Doesn't want nor need sex w/ women due to having been abused/assaulted sexually as a child.
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Colonel FireChick3n sharing thoughts about ABDL
- Lie - Hope they don't ask more pointed questions about it.
- Exaggerate - Sometimes known as the "truthful lie", stretching the truth just enough for it to be a lie, or....
- Tell the person asking those questions to mind their own fucking business.
For now, I think that's where I'm going to end this blog. I want vanilla folks to understand one thing, and one thing only. For the most part, those of us in the ABDL world / community are harmless. Many of us are uncomfortable with sharing our true identities for a number of reasons. My own stories of having my trust betrayed by a family member are among those reasons. It's the equivalent in some respects to "coming out" as either [gay, transgender, transvestite, etc]. If we tell the wrong person, and they use that info against us, we could end up being accused of things we ARE NOT!
I'm extremely careful to not give away my true name, fearing that if someone finds out about my "diaper lover" world, they might not want to be associated with me. I would much rather not go through that issue.